Disputes are normalcies in marriages. No matter how much people love themselves even to the extent of dying for one another, at particular points in times, discords would set in but the power of real and true love is the ability to overlook shortcomings on one’s partner and tolerate deviations.
Even a family that is bonded by birth and blood having passionate forces between one another, disputes creep in originating from one issue or the other, not to talk of two unrelated and definitely different individuals who found themselves at later points of life and agreed to come together to live forever with one another.
Even in the process of courtship for those in marriages whose courtship lasted for almost ten years, there are some habits, behaviors and characters that both parties hid from one another for a long time and didn’t show any over those courtship periods until few years or even few months into the marriage.
It is then that those hidden features begin to become apparent to the parties, discovering their secrets and true selves. At this point, when the disputes resulting from differences emerge, you hear either party making statements as “I never knew you were like this!” or “how couldn’t I have known you were hiding all these from me?”
One can therefore see that it is an inevitability for marriage disputes not to showcase. In fact, some relationship experts and marriage counsellors believe that some marriages will have more disputes in them only because the both parties are extremely in love with one another.
Some also believe that marriages that will last forever will have regular misunderstandings but their power to exist infinitely rest on the partners who never allow these disputes tear them apart.
Now, the only strength that can be conjured against disputes in marriages is the ability of these disputes to be beaten down harmlessly when they arise.
The truth is that disputes can settle themselves even before they occur and this is possible from the kind of relationship foundation which a marriage rests on. Some couples, at the brink of total dissolution have ended up coming back into life and better than before due to mere remembrance of events that happened in the past before the disputes.
Top 25 Ways To Settle Disputes In Marriages
The following are the Top 25 ways To Settle disputes In Marriages
1. Create Memories
I want you to know that memories are very important. In fact, at the verge of breakups, the only saving grace are strong memories that the couples shared. Now, when the heat is much and unbearable and the both partners recollect some lovely and romantic memories of the time that they have shared and how precious those times were, they begin to be nostalgic and want those times back.
So, this can end up saving marriages. While in marriage, find time to go out together, take romantic hikes, trips or picnics. There is nothing wrong in a couple traveling together to another state entirely and lodging in a hotel for the weekend, just both of them.
These adventures may seem like just having fun but the truth is that they create everlasting memories that make love stronger and these memories would come back sometimes to ease down storms that could emerge in the marriage later on. That is the power of memories.
On the other hand, play rough together by throwing pillows, wrestle in play ways, play games, and gossip together, crack jokes and laugh heartily, go to the beach etc. Create the memories uniquely.
2. Love Wholeheartedly
I want you to note that, there is love and there is love. Some couples used to be sworn enemies who totally disliked one another in the beginning but gradually, love built up and then, they ended up as husbands and wives.
This is to say that love is like faith, it can keep building up infinitely and at the same time, it can dwindle down the axis into hatred. Since it is a fact that people are aware of this, then the parties in a marriage must know how to love themselves wholeheartedly.
The undeniable thing is that we can make our hearts love by ourselves especially if there is a slightest feeling of compassion for a person at first. When the love between you two seems not enough, it can be built to such extent of prominence. This helps in settling disputes – love that exists with the whole heart.
3. Express Love
Do you know that Some people are in love but don’t know how to show it? In successful marriages, couple can hardly tell who loves who better and this is because they express their love to one another to the fullest.
They do crazy and unimaginable things for one another. If love is expressed fully, this knowledge of both parties can come into play in the case of prospective or potential disputes to overtake and take care of things before they get out of hands.
4. Show Contentment
One of the major keys to settle disputes in marriages emanate from underlying acknowledgement of contentment especially from the women folk. Men work their heads off in order to make sure that the woman and children are well catered for.
One of the things that break marriage up is discontented nature of especially the wife. She may see how good other men’s wives are doing and she wants to be in their shoes. She begins to pressurize or irritate the man, reminding him that he is not being up to standard like other men out there.
So, when a woman shows contentment with whatever she has or her man has, this alone can bring about calmness in the man’s rage no matter what the problem is. He knows that the partner is a rare gem and may not be able to find another when they are gone. Dispute settled!
5. Show Commitment
Now, being committed to a marriage relationship simply refers to being fervent at one’s duty to one’s husband or wife. Commitment is one of the major keys to resolving looming disputes because it discourages heightened anger and encourages considerations.
If couples are committed in marriages, disputes that go to extents such as could destroy the marriage won’t even come up not to mention find solutions to them.
6. Be Faithful To Each Other
Being faithful to each other is part of what makes a marriage beautiful. When one is a faithful partner in the marriage, there tends to be descent of peace at the end of every storming dispute.
Being faithful is not just about having your partner being the only one whom one has sexual relationships with but it requires that one keeps to being totally decent in all ramifications of the relationship.
A partner who enjoys chatting or receiving sexual commentaries from parties outside marriage is partially unfaithful and these even without having sexual relationships with others from outside the marriage could warrant disputes.
No secrets! I must be understood that spouses love to know the ins and outs of one another. If there is a happening that occurred which could hurt either parties and they have been kept in the dark for long until one day when it leaked to their consciousness, they feel hurt and uneasy.
Hence, regular happenings should be reported to one another so that nothing hits anyone as a shock at a later time.
8. Be Trustworthy And Know your Partner
Be sincere and truthful to your spouse. Let lies not lead into conflicts in the marriage. When you know the type of personality that your partner has, then you will be able to handle disputes with more diplomacy when they occur.
9. Do Not Speak During Disputes At The Peak Of Anger
They say that speeches are like eggs, once broken, they can’t be put back together. There are things that are said at the peak of anger and would forever leave a scar in the marriage because the party whom it was said to can never just forget it no matter how much they had come back to forgive it. It could keep haunting them for life and may eventually lead to the total breakdown of the marriage.
So, couples must learn to stay out of speech during arguments at the peak of it all because words are powerful. Some men have learnt to leave the house for a while when the heat of dispute is increasing. This is so as not to damage things the more before they are settled.
10. Keep Your Matters Indoors
I want you to know that conflicts in marriages are inevitable. So, keep your matters indoor except ones reportable to disciplined family members in terms of extreme issues that can’t be handled personally. Some disputes are better settled within the confines of the couple. No one likes their shortcomings being taken outside. Let the couple handle their own problems amidst themselves and try to end it there.
Some marriages ended being dissolved simply because a party from the partner took reports to friends who advised them badly or even spread it to the community. We don’t know who is who and who wants the best or worst for us.
11. Be The First To Apologize
This should be taken most vitally by the male folks in a marriage. Yes. Even when you are not wrong, be the first to say sorry and end the whole thing. Saying sorry first is very important.
12. Be Patient And Persevering
Don’t allow the heat of the dispute affect your sanity and try as much as possible to tolerate things during the dispute. When one person is enraged, the other should be calm and patient so that things don’t get out of hand.
13. Address The Matter Amicably And Diplomatically
Settle the conflicts with the aim of truly wanting peace and discuss the matter amicably with your partner without prolonging arguments. Make sure to reach a consensus and give a kiss and hug at the end of it all. If possible, make some love.
14. Do Not Raise Your Voices At One Another During Arguments.
When neighbours end up discovering that you are at loggerheads with one another, sense of disgrace and shame begin to set in as your marriage projection to the outside people will become watery and lose sheen.
One must always keep the voices down during disputes so as not to keep the external parties aware which may further wreck a marriage since each party now have a sense of being noted as fighters of a couple.
15. Ensure That The Disputes Are Not Carried Over To The Next Day
Discoveries have it that when grudges are held and slept on, they become worse in the person’s consciousness. Some couples ignore one another for days because of a dispute. The man stops eating food at home and prefers to be outside.
This weakens the bonds of love and could even breed unfaithfulness. Hence, when conflicts occur, never allow it go to the next day unsettled.
16. Give one another peace even in disputes
Don’t make life a living hell for your partner because you are having disputes. Tread calmly and stay out of anything that could arouse anger or restlessness and give absolute peace. Don’t let your partner end up saying things such as “my home is hot right now”; this is a really bad omen!
17. Do Not Try To Settle Matters At Points Of Stress, Fatigue Or Depression
You don’t try to settle a matter when your spouse just returned from workplace for example, he/she might already be tired and used up and addressing sensitive matters by this time could lead to worst outcomes. Let the body be relaxed and free before addressing matters.
18. Stay Positive Till The End
Don’t say things as, “I don’t think this will work out” or “Don’t you think it is better if we went separate ways?” or “I have reached a point where I can’t continue with this”. These negativities are super destructive.
When a partner says this, it is a perfect “I quit” message and even if such disputes are settled at the end of the day, it remains fixed and echoing in the partner’s mind. Be positive and strive to settle the matter by all means necessary.
19. Forget The Past
Now, when there is success in resolving of a dispute both partner should ensure that such doesn’t reoccur again in the future. So, don’t mention anything from the dispute again. Let it all be forgotten totally.
20. Reinforce The Settled Matter
It is expedient for each couples to reinforce their settled matter by doing something special together. Make love, take him or her on a special outing, go for shopping if possible, go take photos in a studio, to a cinema to see movies and let it all slide.
21. Buy Gifts For Each Other
I want you to note that it is important to buy a gift for one another. Such as a flower (for the woman) with a caption of “I am sorry”. This melts the heart and keeps it overlooking all that has happened.
22. Send Love Messages To One Another
You can send love messages to your spouse through the phones or social media even right at the physical presence of one another. Post him/her on your social media statuses and praise them for being part of your life. They appreciate this and are reassured of being loved and wanted.
23. Arrange a Surprise Package
Do things you have never done before to appease the soul of your partner. For example, a man who doesn’t cook in the home might just decide to be the one to prepare special breakfast for the day and serve the woman while still on the bed after waking her up compassionately. This is an extremely positive vibe to totally clear off any remnant particles as a settled dispute.
24. Do Some Old Things Again
Doing some old things again has a special way of uniting each couples. Now, get a paper, use your personal handwritings to write apology letters and send it to your partner in or outside of the home.
Some old things that have been forgotten can be brought back just to appeal to the heart. Something archaic would make him or her smile and feel loved again.
25. Do Something Crazy
For example, take her outside amidst a public place and make a marriage proposal again with a ring and fall on your kneels to say “Will you marry me again and again and again?” she could burst into laughter or even tears of profound joy.
A woman can also decide to wear her wedding gown once more and say “Sweetie, come and take me to the altar again”… all these are crazy and seemingly gibberish but they could create a comic relief and eases the heart.
As I conclude let a spade be called a spade, conflicts in marriage, and especially constantly recurring ones can break one’s perseverance and one just feels like ending it all sometimes but if one were to sit back and relax before taking hard decisions, one would be grateful that they weren’t too quick about giving up.
A lot of people are now divorcees out of disputes they experienced in their marriages and afterwards, they haven’t been able to get better persons than their divorced spouses and it is too late to go back.
A lot of them regret their actions and they keep saying to themselves, “if only I had been more tolerant”, and “if only I could take back the hands of time”. God has a reason for bringing you together with your spouse, do all you can to make sure that all disputes don’t get out of hands. You are the custodians of your own marriages.