The reasons, why marriages fail in Nigeria, is a question that has been asked over the years. Marriage has the potential to enrich the couple’s lives and add to the gratification of life. However, I want you to note that marriages in Nigeria also run into trouble waters, cause distress, put a strain on partners, and sometimes even cause harm. Reports from customary courts across the country feature that the rate in which couples divorce is alarming. Even in Christian settings, many denominations in Nigeria have been battling divorce request cases from uncountable couples that run in geometric progression.
Being in love, especially when it is reciprocated, may avert marriage failure, there are times love stories turn bitter, and individuals who were once in love become enemies and sometimes wish they had never met. And, it should be noted that not all marital crises lead to divorce; sometimes, the love they once shared just get cold. It is imperative to state that before a crisis erupts in marriage, there must have been certain personal and/or self-oriented interest(s) from one of the partner or both, which was not attended to, and the lack of attention to such resulted to the overbearing issues which enhance marital challenge(s) that leads to divorce.
In issues related to a romantic relationship, no doubt that there could never be an end to surprises, regardless of whether the couple is or not. However, it has become difficult in our present society for marriages with no solid foundation to survive the increasing explosion in immorality directly linked to the selfishness that has overwhelmed our society.
It is common to read about married couples going their separate ways due to lack of premarital education, unsettled differences but reports show that those differences didn’t arise from anywhere; they are issues that can be managed before getting out of control.
25 Reasons Why Marriages Fail In Nigeria
However, you may ask why do marriages fail? Here are the 25 awesome reasons why marriages fail in Nigeria
1. Infidelity or Extra-marital Affairs
Infidelity or extramarital affairs are some of the reasons for divorce in Nigeria. In our society today couples do not have to prove that the other partner has done anything wrong to file for divorce, infidelity or extra-marital affairs is a major cause for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. Couples can file for divorce because of the irreconcilable differences which, means that the couple is unable to resolve their differences in other to save their marriage.
Therefore, infidelity or extra-marital affairs is a serious contributing factor to falling apart relationship couples need to avoid it.
2. Lack of Commitment
Marriage is good but it also needs a high level of commitment, love, and patience which is the reason why after getting married, people start to feel burdened by the responsibility and prefer to be on their own to focus on their personal goals. As you noted above, the reason people give for why their marriage fail is a lack of commitment to one or both couple’s parts.
Many couples take the issue of commitment lightly, but it is a serious factor that individuals should pay attention to. There are a number of discoveries people make after a marriage that would not be in consonance with their expectations from that person or what they are used to from that person. For instance, it could be that the man or woman carries all the burden at home. So, as simple as it may sound lack of commitment if not properly handled might lead to a breakdown in the marriage.
3. Financial Challenge
It is a common belief that issues associated with money are the cause of problems among couples and it is one of the major factors that has led to the collapse of many marriages in Nigeria. However, a problem might come up in marriage due to financial challenges, which can lead to misunderstanding, quarrel, fighting, and more conflict.
For instance, this happens in several ways when you lie to your partner about how much money you make every month or unable to fulfill your financial obligations, hiding income or accounts, including opening credit cards or bank accounts without the other partner’s knowledge. Therefore, couples need to pay attention to these because it is among the major reasons for divorce.
4. Sexual Dissatisfaction
Sexual dissatisfaction can be seen as the inability of any of the partners to fully enjoy sexual intercourse. It is a serious problem in most marriages and some partners find it very difficult to discuss it openly. Lack of sex or sexual dissatisfaction in marriage becomes an issue if the wife or husband is not happy with the situation and hunger for intimacy and a sexual connection with a partner.
Moreover, sexual dissatisfaction usually rises from one partner’s inability to satisfy the other during sex, which is the commonest reason for divorce and this might be because of non-cooperation during the act or maybe one partner has higher sex libido than the other therefore might not be getting enough from each other.
5. Lack of Understanding
Understanding is a basic ingredient for a blissful marriage, but it is unfortunate that it is lacking among couples in our society. So many couples in Nigeria today rush into marriage without understanding each other, which may eventually lead to a failed marriage. So, a lack of understanding in marriage brings about the unrest of mind, emotional pain, unhappiness, and lack of trust. I want you to note that understanding your partner helps in building a blissful marriage.
6. Substance Abuse
It is common that substance abuse constitutes one of the major problems that couples face. For instance, marriage is built on trust. It is impossible to have a good relationship without trust. Couples who engage in drug abuse will often lie about their addiction. They will lie about where they are going and who they are hanging out with. When their partner finds out that they are lying, they will be hurt.
The problem with substance abuse is that when a husband or wife is addicted, their whole life centers on when they are going to get their next high. That is why they will begin to neglect their responsibilities at home. This can put a great deal of stress on the other partner which can lead to divorce.
7. Poor Communication
Communication may be said to be the lifeblood of a marriage. The ability to speak and listen to one another is the two most profound gifts of God to humanity. Communication can be seen as the process of sharing information with another person in such a way that the receiver digest what is being passed. Poor communication can wreak havoc in any marriage irrespective of who is involved. Any time there is a gap in communication couples build individual walls around them. Poor communication in marriage cripples the smooth running of the marital relationship. It can also lead to a more severe problem, physical separation, or divorce and makes partners lose interest in the union.
Effective communication skill in marriage is vital for the easy and smooth resolution of marital issues and in passing one’s feelings instead of argument and confrontation. Paul Tournier said, no one can develop freely in the world and find full life without being understood by at least one person. If no one understands you in this world, your partner should be able to understand you.
8. Religious Differences
In Nigeria today, the rate in which couples get divorce and re-marriage because of religious differences is quite alarming. Many families are seriously at war with themselves because of their failure to arrest, manage, or resolve religious differences. Many couples in Nigeria are going through a lot of stress and hardships as a result of religious differences. Marriage should be an exciting and beautiful adventure and the relationship between husband and wife is intended to get better every day. I want you to understand that religious differences can wreak havoc in a relationship if not properly handled.
So, no matter the reasons for divorce, it can be a difficult and emotional time. If once a happy and lovely home suddenly becomes tension-filled and impossible to maintain because of religious differences, it may lead to divorce.
9. Lack of Forgiveness
I want to bring to your knowledge that disputes are inevitable in marriages. But the good news is that there are so many ways to settle disputes in marriages. So, one of the major ways to settle disputes is by forgiving your spouse. I want you to note that forgiveness is a strength because it shows that you have goodwill towards your partner.
If you are unable to forgive your partner it brings about grudges, resentment, anger, hatred, bitterness, and confrontation becomes the order of the day. So, forgiving your wife or husband is one way of letting go so that you can heal and move on with your spouse.
10. Telling Lies and Keeping Secrets
A lie can be seen as making a false statement to another person with the intention of having them believe that it is true. On the other hand, a secret can be seen as something done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of other people. So, when people are involved in secrets, they often engage in lying in other to maintain the secrecy. Telling lies and keeping secrets is one of the major things that can destroy any trust built up in a relationship. The problem with lying is that it usually does not stop with just one lie. People will have to tell multiple lies in order to keep covering their tracks. So, lying and keeping secrets to your spouse makes intimacy, and trust impossible.
11. Early Marriage
Early marriage is a major factor that contributes to problems in marriage. It is a significant factor that results in marital instability. Note that marriage is based on knowing each other better and being able to start a family and fully participate in each other’s life. So, people who get married when still young do not have enough knowledge about preparations for the companionship of marriage which may lead to divorce. Young people are encouraged to explore their identity, work, and love before getting married and individuals who fail to look into these may be disappointed.
So, I want you to note that marriage at a young age increases the likelihood of divorce, especially in the early years of the marriage.
12. Lack of Premarital Education
I want you to note that lack of premarital education is one of the major reasons for instability in marriages. Now, the premarital period is one of the critical points for the prevention of serious relationship problems. When couples prepare well before they get married, they stand in a better position to succeed. So, the effectiveness of a premarital counselor will depend on the quality, stability, and success of their own marriage. It helps couples not to rush into marriage without spending time to discuss their future together. On the other hand, the participants should understand the things to avoid and the things that God expects in every marriage. I believe it should serve as a prevention effort to help healthy and happy couples stay together.
13. Loss of Attraction
One of the things I hear couples saying is, my partner is no longer attractive to me anymore. It is always heartbreaking to wake up and realize that you’re no longer attracted to your spouse. I want you to realize that it is common for couples to lose attraction for each other.
Now, take a trip down memory lane and exhume those days of courtship. Do you still remember your first date, first kiss, and the first time you held your partner’s hand? Do you still remember why you fell in love with your spouse? Determine to bring back such times you shared together in love and it will amaze you the level of closeness you will experience again
14. Lack of Respect
A famous German philosopher Johann Goethe said, treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. I want you to note that when you treat a man as he should be and he will become as he should be. 90 percent of people respond well when treated with respect elevating their thought and actions to the same level of respect they were given or even beyond. The most precious need of man can only be met by his mate. Irrespective of the class or background, there are needs only your spouse can meet better than anyone else can. This need when met brings out the best in your union. So, respecting your spouse being his or her biggest fan is the best gift you can give in your marriage.
15. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy can be seen as a state of having close personal knowledge of your spouse. It is not only sexual because you can be sexual with someone but not intimate. It is a process of knowing and being known. It is total and absolute openness on both sides. Any marriage that lacks adequate knowledge of each other is on the verge of collapse. They will always find it difficult to bond.
The completeness of marriage is anchored on closeness, love, communication, support, sharing, and fidelity. There is no other place the true meaning of intimacy can be realized than in a marriage. This is a place where one heart gives in exchange for another. So, when intimacy goes away, each partner may feel rejected. That can lead to divorce in a marriage.
16. Lack of Compatibility
One of the major factors that lead to divorce is the lack of compatibility between marriage partners. Compatibility is a state in which two people are able to exist or occur together without conflict or problem. No two people are the same. Every single person has different emotional and physical wants and needs. When married partners cannot make peace with their problems, whatever they may be, it often results in a divorce.
So, it is expedient for couples to relate to equality and respect. A marriage succeeds when two people are compatible. It is important for couples to have fun together and enjoy the time they spend together. I want you to note that being compatible increases the chance of having a lasting and blissful marriage in which both partners are happy and fulfilled.
17. You No Longer Love Each Other
God is love and as His image, it is expected of us to manifest this love to each other. Marriage is a revelation of God’s love. Love is not based on feelings or the attitude and behavior of the recipient. It is based on will, determination to love at all times. This is the kind of love that should be appropriated into our marriage. Love brings husband or wife to the level of preoccupation with each other that it becomes impossible to separate them except by death.
18. Unrealistic Expectations
A great number of couples have high expectations for their marriage. They come to marriage with the same euphoria of their courtship phase. Blinded by the strong feeling of love, they assume that it will be the same in marriage or even better. They believe that getting married will mean a greater level of joy and happiness but it is an illusion. I always tell couples that in marriage the feeling of love is never enough. You need something greater to remain married and that something is commitment. Misconception about marriage burdens every problematic marriage today.
I want you to note that marriage is sweet and enjoyable but it does not come on a platter of gold. One of the reasons couples find it difficult to settle down is because of their orientation about marriage.
19. Lack of Appreciation
In other to build a blissful marriage you have to appreciate your spouse. Your marriage should be filled with love and appreciation. Being appreciated brings out the best in any man or woman and when received from your spouse it strengthens the cord of unity among the couples which helps a marriage to grow. Any time you appreciate your spouse it moves him or her to do more. On the other hand lack of appreciation if not properly handled can lead to a failed marriage.
20. Value Your Spouse
In Nigeria culture, valuing your spouse is one of the best gifts you can offer to your spouse. It gives your spouse a sense of belonging. Your spouse should come first in whatever you do. Go the extra mile to ensure that your spouse is comfortable, this is one of the things that makes marriage blissful.
21. Getting Married Through Online Dating
In our society today online dating is one of the major factors that kill romance and the dinner date. So, it’s effects on marriage is deeper than you think. On the other hand, couples who meet online are going to divorce in the future.
Now, online dating is one of the ways in which people get married but, this type of marriage is full of flaws and woes. In Nigeria today, people don’t value it or see it as a means of meeting their spouses.
In our culture, people don’t value the idea of online dating because they do not believe in it. So, it as well promotes the avenue of infidelity between couples.
Now, fraudsters use it as a means of scamming people, not knowing they toy with the emotions of their online partner. I want to bring to your knowledge that there is a lot of fake web sites which aim is to extort money from their users, people as well pretend to be who they are not.
22. Lack Of Investment
I want to bring to your knowledge that lack of investment can be disastrous for your marriage and you need to avoid it at all costs. In Nigeria today, a lot of marriages fail because they did not invest properly.
Now, with the high rate of divorce in our country, a lot of couples are saving their money for material things such as a car, cloth, and house, etc.
As a married couple, it is expedient to sit down and plan for the future by investing in a business that will yield daily income.
23. Family And Social Pressure
Family and social pressure can be seen as a force or influence that a third party puts on couples. For instance, if the couples are married for a long time without a child, the parents of each couple will invite them for questioning.
In Nigeria today, family and social pressure come in different ways. So, it can come from friends, peer groups, and the in-laws.
In our culture family and social pressure are some of the major factors that can lead to marriage failure. On the other hand, if the social life of the spouse is not well spoken of by society, each of them will find it difficult to have a blissful marriage.
24. Addicted To The Internet
Now, like drug or alcohol addiction, being addicted to the internet can lead to conflicts between couples in a marriage. So, over the years, the use of the internet has increased.
I want to bring to your knowledge that as the internet improves a person’s social skills, it has disadvantages that can cause conflict in marriages.
the use of the internet has escalated all over the world to the point that people can not do without it. For instance, people who spend time playing games or chatting through social media platforms, and it can lead to divorce if not properly handled.
Now, a spouse who is addicted to the internet, staying online all the time makes your partner feel bad and lonely. So, part of the time you spent in catching fun through the net can be used to interact with your spouse in other to understand each other.
25. Lack Of Vision
Now, I want to bring to your knowledge that in other to have a blissful marriage you need vision. So, as a married couple, the foundation of your marriage depends on the plan you have for the future.
In our country today, some married couples have a plan for their wedding but lack a vision that can keep the family growing.
In conclusion, disagreement in a marriage is inevitable because it is a part of social interaction. Now, how partners are able to manage it determines how they will get along. On the other hand, learning to see your spouse as a teammate and not as an opponent is very important in a marriage. Couples that want their marriage to be blissful recognize each other’s contribution and effort.
Thanks for this awesome article. It is impactful.
I believe that as a lady it’s good to have secret savings.
In terms of forgiveness;whereby the spouse keeps offending and saying sorry for how long will the other forgive
Yes communication is good in a marriage but when there is no space or timing it can’t work and some talk but do otherwise.
I like the part of sexuality most men feel they are the only persons that can express thier sexual strength but not so, religion or no religion this part of the basis of any rlship.
Finally,please reply me this;is procreation the basis of marriage or love.
Procreation is an expression or a product of love. There is no way you can separate procreation from love both of them work together. In other words they can not be separated. Thanks for this awesome question.
So without procreation will the marriage work
Yes marriage can work without procreation but there is no way you will not want to have sex with your spouse and you can conceive through it.
You forgive as many times as possible. Because no body is perfect. Marriage is like someone is riding bicycle. You see that it is only the front wheel is pushing the back wheel. So the front wheel will not say am the one doing everything. So is your responsibility to forgive all the time.
What a great write up you put up here. It is awesome to know and understand why marriages fail in Nigeria. Thanks am impressed.
What an outstanding write up. Learnt a lot.. keep it up